


Family Tree

by insomniabug



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/M, luke's childhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-14 12:12:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniabug/pseuds/insomniabug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like Gail always says, he needs to stop thinking all together and just live by her word. Cut to one orgasm later and he's panting in agreement.  (Or the one where Gail introduces him to his family.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Formerly titled "She Is Everything"

_Prologue_

* * *

He should have known they were never going to be a normal couple. Should have known that their relationship was always going to be backwards and chaotic.

There was a plan he created: dating, sex, cohabitation then marriage. He's lived his whole life believing this was the formula for a happy life...and twice this formula has failed him.

Like Gail always says, he needs to stop thinking all together and just live by her word. ( _Cut to one orgasm later and he's panting in agreement_.)

They went from zero to sixty within a single moment, ending with what they both assumed was a one night mistake.

Little did they know that a connection was forged that night over warm beer and a bowl of stale peanuts. One moment they were swapping horror stories before "ooey gooey" feelings in the next. ( _She claims to have used the term caustically, but he knows better._ )

So maybe their relationship did start out backwards...but their relationship is also going to move him forward. It's going to push him closer to the closure he's needed but has always been too afraid to look for.

Gail Peck is going to introduce him to his family.

* * *


	2. Mother Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He should have known they were never going to be a normal couple. Should have known that their relationship was always going to be backwards and chaotic...but their relationship is also going to move him forward. It's going to push him closer to the closure he's needed but has always been too afraid to look for. Gail Peck is going to introduce him to his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: this is now 5x the length it was when I thought I was done the first time around. Title comes from a Matthew West song.

  
_You didn't ask for this, nobody ever would  
_ _Caught in the middle of this dysfunction  
_ _I_ _t's your sad reality, it's your messed up family tree  
_ _And all you're left with,_ __all these questions__

* * *

**I. Mother Dearest**

* * *

"Luke."

The sound of his name coming from her mouth is the first sign something is wrong. Ever since they decided to continue their, for lack of a better word, relationship, she now reserves the use of his first name for private moments.  _(Despite the constant sleepovers and dinners at her parent's, the lost weekends and odd presents, they still haven't put a label to it._ ) At work it's only ever 'Callaghan,' 'Detective,' 'Sir' or any combination of the three. It helps keeps things professional while on the job and more intimate while off it...although there have been the occasional illicit ( _read_ _many)_  role playing activities where enforcement of this rule became understandably lax.

"What's wrong?" He automatically asks, preparing himself for the worst considering their chosen professions being what there are.

"I'm fine." She immediately reassures him, knowing how worried he gets when she's out patrolling alone. "I'm actually off duty right now."

Luke frowns and checks his watch. Her shift isn't over for another two hours, after which they then had plans to meet at her place.

"What's going on?" He asks, turning the coffee maker on, one of those ridiculously expensive coffee makers that only makes one cup of coffee at a time. It had been a Christmas gift from Gail, along with a blow-up doll gag gift, who claimed she was irritated over the amount of coffee that went unconsumed in his apartment. ( _They deliberately turned a blind eye to what she was really doing; slowly easing herself into his home as she was into his heart._ )

"Frank called me in. He didn't know how to tell you..." There's a pregnant pause and he gets the craziest urge to hang up the phone. Not one to hesitate with bad news, instead believing it should be like ripping off a band-aid, her silence makes his anxiety skyrocket. Alarm bells ring in his head, warning him he's about to be sucked into a black hole. But if there's anything being with Gail has taught him, it's that curiosity has a way of getting under you skin and taking over the wheel.

"Tell me  _what_?" The increasing drip of percolating coffee matches his rapidly escalating heart rate.

"Just...you should get down here." Is all she says, which causes all kinds of horrible scenarios to play in his imagination.

"Gail, what is it?" He asks again, not wanting to be completely blindsided when he arrives at the station. _Oh yeah, he's going._  There's a sigh at the other end of the line and he knows she's about to tell him something she'd rather not...or at least not over the phone.

"It's your mother." The chill he feels has nothing to do with the breeze coming from the open window. If he had been a dog, he imagines his hackles would be rising just about now. But he's not, so goosebumps and a sinking pit in his stomach are all his body can manage.

"Luke?"

"Yeah." His throat feels raw, like he's been gargling with thumbtacks.

"She's here...and she wants to meet you."

The steady trickle of already forgotten coffee plays to an empty room.

* * *

"Luke-" Frank starts but Luke cuts him off, his blood singing with adrenaline and apprehension.

"Where is she?" Luke says, his eyes chaotically searching the station as if he'll be able to recognize the woman claiming to be his mother. Truth is he barely remembers her, having been taken away at such a young age. Still, there were some smudgy memories he's failed to repress, assaulting him at the most random moments. Memories of sunlight and laughter interwoven with the more familiar terror and loneliness.

"She's in your office with Gail." Frank says succinctly, Luke already turning his back to walk to his office.

Reaching the door, he again hears the alarm bells ringing in his head.  _You can still get out of here,_ a voice in his head says, but he silences it. Grasping the doorknob, body tensing in preparation, he pushes the door open.

The first thing he sees, like he always does, is Gail sitting behind his desk. Still in uniform, hair up in a sloppy ponytail, the sight of her sitting in his chair normally would've inspired some joke about her obsession with being the dominant one in the relationship, but he's too preoccupied with the other female in the room to follow routine.

"Luke," Gail stands and in an extremely soft voice, one he doesn't reconcile with their current location, says, "this is Kathryn."

The woman claiming to be his mother immediately stands at Gail's introduction, nervousness apparent on her face. The curly blonde hair he remembers playing with as a child, although it's now sprinkled with silver, falls in frizzy ringlets around her oval _-_ shaped face, looking deceptively like the picture of a doting mother.  _Mother_. He feels it like a kick to the groin.  _This can't be her,_  his inner voice yells.

Despite knowing her hair, her face is nothing like he remembers. Luke knows memories fade, causing the picture in one's head to fray and distort, but in the end it's the eyes that convince him. The same blue eyes he sees every morning in the mirror staring right back at him. They are older, and definitely more world-worn, but they are his eyes. Or rather the eyes he got from  _her_. The nausea in his stomach confirms what he dreaded in his heart to be true.

This is the woman who gave birth to him. His  _mother_.

"Luke..." His name coming from  _her_  mouth throws him, sounding so much like the laughing, singing, crying voice in his dreams. She says his name with such reverence and such love that he feels sick. It feels wrong. After all she's done, the way she's hurt him, she has no right to say his name like that. Not the way Gail softly murmurs it in their bed (his or hers no longer existed for them; everywhere was theirs when they were together), his head pillowed on her stomach and her gentle fingers softly sifting through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" A stranger's voice leaves his mouth. Luke can feel Gail's penetrating gaze on him but he doesn't dare look at her. The worry and affection he just knows to be on her face would break him. It's too hard for him to accept they are for him when the reason behind his tortured cliché of a childhood is standing right in-front of him.

"I wanted to see you. I wanted-" Hearing her voice is like being burned alive.

"To see if I fell victim to the family legacy?" The fire inside him grows larger with every word. "To see if I became a cracked out junkie who'd sell their kid for a hit?"

The words are sharp, meant to inflict pain, but Kathryn doesn't move a muscle. After the kind of life she's lived, he assumes she's probably heard worse.

No, it's Gail who flinches instead, not having really known the story behind his self proclaimed "orphan" status. All Gail knew, all anyone knew really, was that he was placed in the foster care system at a young age. Having researched his own genesis the moment he was granted access, he eventually realized that it was a miracle he even ever made it to age seven.

Because when he was only seven years old, his mother tried to sell him for a couple grams of meth.

Luckily the dealer  _his mother_  attempted to sell him to was an undercover cop, one who didn't hesitate to break cover to save him. Kathryn was arrested on the spot and Luke was sent to a foster home a couple hours later. He never did find out who the cop was, the man who saved his life, but it was because of him that Luke became a detective in the first place.

Kathryn shakes her head, bouncing curls echoing the movement. "I never worried about that. You were such a strong kid. A good kid. I knew you would be alright."

"You knew-" He begins when a bitter laugh bursts out of him unbidden, his body shaking dangerously. This causes Gail, who had been standing quietly behind his desk, to move towards him.

"Luke?" She says cautiously, like she's approaching a wild animal. Her fingers are almost grazing his arm when he finally gets a hold on his emotions.

"Don't." He flinches away from her, knowing that if she so much as touches him, he would fly apart. He looks back at Kathryn, an absurdly  _motherly_  concern on her face causing the void in him to pulse painfully.

"How did you even find me?" Years ago he made sure his file was buried deep enough so that no one could find out about his past. Put so many roadblocks to prevent anyone, but really her _(always her_ ,) from ever finding him. Put so much red tape around it that it bled onto the pages. Being a detective with friends in high places had its perks.

The way Kathryn's eyes dart towards Gail makes him feel sick. It's the same kind of look that happens right before secrets come flooding out. He's seen it in enough interrogation rooms to have an almost clairvoyant sense about it.

For the first time since entering the room, Luke makes eye contact with Gail. If anyone else were being suddenly confronted with his ice cold gaze, their eyes would shamefully dart away, their hands guiltily twisting together.

But this isn't anybody else. This is  _Gail_   _Peck_. She's seen him at his best...and was probably about to see him at his worst. Standing completely still, back straight, eyes locked onto his, Gail looks ready for battle.

"You didn't." His voice comes out low and laced with disbelief, the betrayal blatantly obvious in his tone.

"Don't be upset with her." Kathryn immediately comes to Gail's aide, making Luke feel even worse. Not even here for five minutes and she's already turned his world into some macabre version of its former self. Despite every hurtful insult and painful jab thrown behind closed doors, and there have been many, Luke and Gail always presented a united front against the world. No matter what, they always had each other's back.

"Get out." He tells Kathryn through gritted teeth, which surprisingly,  _which_   _thankfully_ , she does without a word. Luke barely hears the door close, his heart pounding deafeningly in his ears.

"Gail, what did you do?" Imperceptible to anyone else, he can see the slight shift in her face. A result of countless hours of study. The look of shame for going behind his back to the defiant raise of her chin all made for one unique combination, and he knew from experience that even when she was in the wrong, Gail would defend herself till she was blue in the face.

"I called in some favors, my mother knows some people." She tells him. "But I didn't know that Kathryn would actually show up like this." She adds the last part hastily, clutching it like a shield.

"Why?" There's that thumbtack feeling in his throat again.

Her face softens. "I thought it would help."

He can feel the confusion shining on his face. "Help?"

Big blue eyes, round and warm with an emotion they've both refrained from saying out loud but which they knew lived in every touch, stare into his. "Last weekend at my parent's house, you think I didn't notice the way you froze during dinner when my dad asked about your family? You think I didn't notice the  _tragically_ ," despite all efforts to be sensitive, her voice takes on a mockingly  _Gail_  tone here, _"_ disguised pain beneath the nonchalant brush off? ' _Never knew them and don't care to sir.'_  I know emotional trauma when I see it. You're many things Luke, but you're a shit liar."

It's the sadness in her face, the underlying pity, that does him in, makes the anger come roaring back. "How could this possibly help me? I've never talked about her, never even  _mentioned_  her, so what the hell would give you the idea that I would want to  _meet_  her?"

The fire in her responds to the fire in him, her feet bringing her alarmingly close. "It's _because_  you never talk about her." She gives him an incredulous look, like he's being intentionally stupid. "Avoiding things doesn't make them go away. Trust me, I've been there." He's momentarily silenced by that, mind flashing back to her kidnapping and hospitalization. To Jerry's murder. She'd spent so much time avoiding her feelings and it almost consumed her whole. Even without being together, he could sense it and when he remembered the last time they had worked alone, the stolen uniform and the way she unexpectedly opened up to him, he made sure he was the one to get her statement.

"Did you ever think I had a good reason to avoid her? That maybe I never wanted to be reminded of how even my own mother didn't want me?" It's this, this heartbreakingly sad belief he's carried around his entire life that causes her face to soften once again, causes his walls to go flying back up.

"Luke, I just wanted to help you get closure." She repeats. It makes him irrationally angry because why would anyone ever want to help him? He's in this world alone. Always has been. Always will be. Seeing Kathryn again reminded him of the cold hard truth he learned before he could even read.

"And who are you to make that call? Who are you to decide if I need closure? It's not like we're together. We're just having some  _fun_  right? I'm just ' _a warm body at night to keep the cold and loneliness out'_." He regrets the words,  _her_ words, the moment they leave his mouth. Especially when he knows she wasn't quite serious when she said them; used them as a tension breaker when emotions were running high one night.

Luke knows how hard it is for Gail to show her true feelings, to reveal the soft underbelly beneath all the red lipstick and bite, yet it didn't stop him from throwing it in her face. It's been a long known problem of his, the disturbingly powerful rage inside him that lashes out in self-defense, even despite the painstaking effort he exudes trying to reign it in.  _(It's amazing how fast the curtain is falling behind her eyes to shut him out.)_

Well you know what they say, you only hurt the ones you love.

 _Love_.

This comically ill-timed realization, that he loves the woman he's just purposely wounded, makes all the anger rush out of him like air out of a balloon.

 _Run,_  the voice in his head yells.

Without waiting for a response, a yell, a slap, a  _something,_  Luke practically runs from the room not wanting to witness the damage his words have caused.

* * *

After leaving a wounded Gail behind, he wanders aimlessly, half wishing a bolt of lightning would just strike him down.

Half an hour later he finds himself standing in a decrepit playground twenty blocks away from the station, rain soaking his jacket. The screen on his phone alerts him to a dozen different calls; one from Frank, one from Andy...even one from  _Sam._ One glaring absence chills him to the bone. Luke shuts off his phone and removes the battery, this little trick making it impossible to trace his location with GPS, which he wouldn't put past a whole station full of cops to try. (Even if he won't admit it, it also keeps him from noticing  _she_  hasn't called.)

He sits down on one of the two working swings when a voice calls out over the freezing rain.

"Luke."

_How the hell did she find him?_

Turning around, his eyes come in contact with the woman he's spent over thirty years hating. He feels anger, by now it's an old friend, stirring in his gut.

"What are you doing here? Did you follow me?" His words do nothing to change the passive expression on her face. Instead, she merely sits down on the vacant swing next to him, sopping wet hair stuck to her forehead.

"I don't know if you remember," she evades his questions, "but I used to take you to this playground." She sighs, "then again how could you, you were so little."

Out of all the places to end up, he ends up here. This has to be some major cosmic joke. The unbelievability of it, that she once acted like the loving mother of his childhood imagination causes him to look at her sharply. Something passes over her face, nostalgia or maybe even guilt, as she looks back at him. Her jaw then tightens in a way he knows all to well. Apparently is was also another thing he inherited.

"After every arrest, after every social worker would take you away from me, I would promise myself that  _that_  would be the last time you ever saw the inside of a police station. I promised myself that I would get my act together and be the mother you needed, the mother you deserved. I would then bring you here," she throws a hand out towards the monkey bars across from them, "and we would spend the whole day playing." A wistful smile appears on her face as she closes her eyes. "During those moments, we were just a normal kid and his mom playing at the park. During those moments you might have even loved me."

Luke feels like a noose is being pulled tighter and tighter around his throat, emotion threatening to choke him. The memories he always assumed were just wishful thinking had turned out to be real.

"That girlfriend of yours...Gail," her voice tears through the rain, "please don't be angry with her. She obviously cares for you and only thought she was helping."

Whether she meant them to or not, Kathryn's words inspire a fresh onslaught of guilt.

Don't be angry with her. She obviously cares for you. _Girlfriend._

For a single sliver of time, he feels like a regular son being scolded by his mother for dishonorable behavior. The feeling is indescribable and something he never thought he'd ever get to experience in his lifetime. Luke begins to feel remorse for the way he's treated this woman and it's not a welcome feeling. Even after everything, how could she still have such a powerful hold over him?

"But I never expected that this," she continues, waving a hand between them, "was going to end well. I know that nothing between us will ever be okay and I'll understand if you never want to see me again. I've caused you too much pain." Luke believes in forgiveness and second chances, heaven knows he's asked for both, but he doesn't know if he can ever forgive her. For over thirty years he's spent loving, missing and hating his mother; the painful inner soundtrack of his life, and he knows a couple moments of pity won't magically erase it. There was too much bad blood. An ocean of it.

Still, that doesn't stop the unexpected lance of pain he feels at her words. It's like he was being abandoned all over again.

"Then why bother coming here at all?" For the first time since they met, which he couldn't believe was only just a couple hours ago, his voice isn't angry or bitter. It sounds a little disappointed, a little childlike...something he never really got to be when he  _was_  a child.

"Because I wanted to give you this." Moving closer, she slips a folded piece of paper into his hand. He tries to ignore the shock he feels at her touch. The unspoken connection between a mother and child he's never felt before.

"What it this?" It's ridiculous how terrified he is of a small piece of paper.

"An apology. I know I can never make up for what I've done, but I figured I owed you this much."

Finding something in his face, maybe a kind of reluctant encouragement, Kathryn reaches out to him, her hand resting against his cheek. For no logical reason, Luke finds himself leaning into her touch, _(a second too long, a second too short_ ,) before abruptly pulling back. She smiles sadly at him, appearing not to feel hurt by his withdrawal. She stands up, brushing the seat of her pants.

"Goodbye Luke."

Luke watches her walk away with a growing sense of regret, almost calling out for her to stop.

_(Almost.)_

He doesn't.

* * *

"So Callaghan, you gonna ring the bell or just stare at it until it rings itself?" A voice drifts through the cold night and turning around he sees Gail standing behind him holding a heavy black plastic bag, the slight breeze freeing strands of pale yellow hair from her ponytail.

For the past hour, he's been standing at the entrance to her apartment building, finding himself unable to press the button that would bring him closer to the comfort he's desperately yearning for. Turns out she wasn't even home and the thought gives him painful pause.  _What if he's already lost her?_

"What are you doing out this late?" An eye roll lets him know that any kind of overprotective macho talk is not going to be accepted...even if he feels justified considering her new apartment is not in an entirely safe neighborhood. He would know, he just closed a case only two blocks away on a home invasion ending in a double homicide.

It's a diversionary tactic, he  _knows_ , but he can't help it. Not when he's got the foreboding feeling she's about to tell him to take a hike.

"I really don't think you have the right to ask me that." She replies, an emotionless voice behind an even more emotionless face. Luke looks down at his feet, unable to look her in the eyes. Apparently, this is also the wrong thing to do.

"You know, I didn't like your strong and silently wounded schtick when we were sneaking around everyone's backs and I like it even less now." She's referring to the four months when he was in a constant state of guilt whenever in Chris and Andy's presence; referring to the four months before they said ' _Fuck what everyone else thinks'_ and decided to stop hiding whatever it was they were.

"I'm sorry." The words don't feel like they're enough. How could they be?

"Keep going." She says. Honestly, all resistance was futile when Gail Peck wanted something, and once upon a time she wanted  _him_. He just hopes she still does. Luke forces himself to look up, to look at the face he's spent months falling in love with, the face currently giving him her patented  _Gail Glare Stare._

"Seeing her after all these years, it was like...like I was that seven year old kid again, still waiting for my mother to come back to me, wondering what I did to make her go away." He inhales a ragged breath. "I've spent so much time and energy trying to distance myself from my past, from  _her_ , and to suddenly have her right in front of me...it was too much. So I took it out on you when I shouldn't have and I'm sorry."

Luke takes a step towards her, taking it as a good sign when she shows no sign of retreating, and reaches out towards her. His hand gently wraps around her wrist, feels the soft flesh yielding beneath his fingertips. In this moment, it feels like the entire world is holding its breath. He knows he is.

It feels like an eternity passes before she finally opens her mouth. "I went to the corner store. Got some of that disgusting rum raisin you love." Air rushes out of his lungs, her answer practically the verbal equivalent of an olive branch. Even with every hurtful thing he's said to her today, she had still gone out to get him his favorite ice cream. It meant she still wanted him; that she already forgave him. He has no idea what to do with that kind of loyalty.

For the first time all day, Luke feels the pressure in his chest begin to lessen. "How did you know I would show up?"

"I didn't." The look on her face is surprisingly vulnerable, "but I hoped you would." This rare showing of emotions, of the feelings he knows she rarely allows out of her Pandora's box, makes him feel like even more of a tool for his earlier behavior.

"Gail-" She cuts him off before he can finish.

"Look, I'm not gonna pretend to know how or what you're feeling, but I'm here. Despite what everyone says, I  _can_  be sensitive. I took a class or two at the academy." She grins impishly at him. It's this, the sweet and sour banter, that makes him realize what he almost ruined today. Makes him realize that he never wants to be without it.

Thinking they were finally out of the woods, the very lonely woods, he's confused when she suddenly sighs and beings to shift on her feet; almost like she's nervous. Luke raises an inquisitive eyebrow and when she sees the unspoken question in his eyes, she huffs and throws a hand up.

"I guess I'm sorry too." The words sound like they are physically painful for her to say. "I shouldn't have gone snooping into your past but I just wanted to help. I know my mother and I don't have the best relationship, but she's still always been there." Gail rolls her eyes, "even if it's with a patronizing word or disappointed glance." Her face becomes somber again. "Still no matter what, I always know she has my back. I guess I wanted that for you too."

The smile on his face feels foreign, almost like he's never really smiled before now. "You're just a big softy."

Gail doesn't miss a beat. "If you tell anyone, I'll tell everyone you sleep with a nightlight and wear footed pajamas."

Wrapping his arms around Gail, Luke suddenly feels a sense of completeness; the void he's spent his whole life living with slowly starting to close. At first he thought Andy would be the answer. It's why he proposed to her after only six months. He knew she would always be faithful and it made him feel secure knowing that she would always be there to love him, but he knows now that it never would have lasted. Not when he realized he had a twisted kind of hope that Jo would return, barely hesitating to destroy everything for her when she did. After much soul searching, he came to the realization that he was just trying to create the family he's never had. When he acknowledged that, it was like a burden he's been carrying his whole life was gone.

Gail also helped in her own unique way, filling a majority of the void with her loud personality and big heart.

The realization he made earlier, the terrifyingly wonderful truth that he has fallen hard for the petite blonde in his arms, suddenly rears its nosy head. But this time, instead of running from it, he embraces it wholeheartedly.

"I love you." The words tumble from his mouth in such a rush, Gail fails to understand him at first.

"Use your words Homicide."

"I love you." This time he makes sure to say the words slowly, savoring the way they sound. It's not as if he's never said them to a woman before, but it's the first time he feels the words radiating in his chest, dissolving into his bloodstream. It's the first time he feels the urge to repeat them until they no longer make sense, knowing no words could ever do justice to what he's feeling.

To his surprise, Gail doesn't even blink. "How could you not? I mean, have you met me?" But then he feels her arms tighten around his middle and can feel the nervousness and self-doubt humming beneath her skin, her never really quite believing she was worthy. He knows it's there because it's in him too. "But you're not so bad yourself. So despite my better judgement, I love you too."

Pulling away from her, he hooks a finger beneath her chin, not to tilt her head upwards, the height difference between them took care of that, but because he needs to feel her skin against his. Leaning forward, Luke watches as Gail closes her eyes, his own sliding closed when their mouths meet. Their lips get caught together, both chapped and dry from the cold. Luke envelops her top lip with both of his, moistening it with a gentle lick of his tongue, repeating the process with her bottom lip. Besides getting the ice cream, she must have also gotten some candy because he can still taste the artificial cherry flavoring in her mouth.

Tilting his head to the right, their noses doing the awkward dance noses do, Luke pulls her closer, one hand on the side of her neck, the other wedged deep against her lower back. Reconnecting their lips, he breathes her in completely. Her free hand grabs at his waist, fingers curling inward like she wants to dive inside him. It's a feeling he knows well.

"Ahem." A voice brings them out of their blissful reverie. Pulling apart, lips smacking loudly into the night, they come to face with an elderly woman and her dog.

"May we get through? It's a bit cold out here." She says with a pointed look.

Gail covers her face, partly to hide her reddening face and partly to keep back the laughter he knows is coming. Luke steers them to the side, leaving room for the old woman and her dog to enter the building.

"Have a good evening." He says, holding the door open for them, trying hard not to start laughing himself.

Without a word, they are honestly too close to cracking up, Luke takes the bag from Gail and slides his hand into hers. Heading in first, Gail pulls Luke in out of the cold.

* * *

_For now, the small slip of paper remains forgotten in his pocket. Remains forgotten as he spends the rest of the night apologizing to Gail; as he makes sure to replace their past pain with future pleasure._

_Tomorrow, this seemingly harmless note will reveal missing parts of the puzzle._

_Tomorrow, the words on this paper will change everything._

_But that's tomorrow._

_Tonight it's just him, Gail and a pint of his favorite ice cream._

* * *

**THAT'S IT. I CAN'T LOOK AT THIS ANYMORE. (I hope I got all the mistakes.)**

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated! =)**

**Not sure when the next part will be up, but probably sooner than this one now that I've ironed out a lot of details.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S IT. I CAN'T LOOK AT THIS ANYMORE. (I hope I got all the mistakes.)
> 
> Reviews would be greatly appreciated! =)
> 
> Not sure when the next part will be up, but probably sooner than this one now that I've ironed out a lot of details.


	3. Little Boy Blue (Your Daddy's Gone)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes back to normal, or whatever their version of normal is, after Kathryn's tempestuous visit. Luke spends as much time as possible apologizing to Gail, even managing to throw in a long requested wish to see the Ice Capades when they came to Toronto. They take turns driving into work, spend weekends lounging around his cabin and, of course, have sex as much as possible. Only difference now is that they no longer skirt around their feelings.
> 
> Now there's talk about the future; their future.
> 
> So the slip of paper Kathryn had given Luke is forgotten until four weeks later.

 

  
_Little boy blue_   
_Blow your horn_   
_Mommy's weeping_   
_Daddy's gone_   
_You make your life_   
_Through your strife_   
_Little boy blue_   
_I love you_   


* * *

Life goes back to normal, or whatever their version of normal is, after Kathryn's tempestuous visit. Luke spends as much time as possible apologizing to Gail, even managing to throw in a long requested wish to see the Ice Capades when they came to Toronto. They take turns driving into work, spend weekends lounging around his cabin and, of course, have sex as much as possible. Only difference now is that they no longer skirt around their feelings.

Now there's talk about the future; their future.

So the slip of paper Kathryn had given Luke is forgotten until four weeks later.

* * *

Luke wakes up one morning and stretches a hand out, only to come up empty of the body he's seeking. However, since the mattress is still warm beside him he knows Gail hasn't been gone long. Reluctantly opening up one eye, the red glare of the bedside clock tells him it's only seven in the morning and he groans. After having been apart for days and after arranging their schedules to spend the morning together, he's a bit annoyed she's not in bed with him.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and looks for clues as to where Gail might be. When a search for his boxers comes up empty, Luke pulls on a pair of dark grey sweatpants and throws on an old t-shirt from his police academy days. A shirt he had thought lost until finding it in Gail's possession a month after they started "officially" dating. When he tried to take it back on his way home one morning, she told him he might as well leave it. She even went so far as to mention an empty drawer at the bottom of her dresser she wasn't using for anything. It was a not-so-subtle hint that she was making more room for him in her life and that he was welcome to take it.

Stepping into a pair of slippers, another surprisingly domestic gift from Gail, he pads out into the hallway in search of his girlfriend.

Girlfriend. The word still feels like a feeble description of the role she's taken in his life; of the way he feels about her. They haven't gotten too far into talking about what the next step might be, him having been engaged two times before  _not_  his best selling point, but at least she no longer shuts him down when he calls her his girlfriend in public, and he tries not to make a big deal out of it when she refers to him as her boyfriend...even though he kinda really wants to. There's also been talk about getting a place together, but he doesn't want to jinx it by thinking about it too much.

Hearing movement coming from her laundry room, which he thinks is a generous term for the tiny closet-like space housing her stacked washer and dryer, Luke finds Gail pulling wet clothes out of the washing machine below and stuffing them into the dryer above, singing Taylor Swift lyrics as she works. The only reason he knows this is because he's had to suffer her terrible music taste from the night she stepped into his car nine months ago. Whenever Gail gets near a radio, she immediately tunes into the top forty station and sings at the top of her lungs, slapping his hand away if he so much makes a move to change it. It was as annoying as it was incredibly endearing.

Luke also finds her wearing his aforementioned missing boxers with the waistband folded a couple times, looking a hundred times better on her then they ever did on him, and a pale green tank top with her hair up in a messy top bun. A smart-ass comment is on the tip of his tongue, how she loves taking off his clothes just so she could put them on, but she beats him to the punch.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." She says without turning around. The lid of the dryer bangs shut and Gail fumbles around with the settings before turning it on, the laundry room suddenly filling with the faint rumblings of the machine. He leans against the door frame with a grin, not even surprised she got the drop on him.

"You're actually doing laundry so I just might. Prove I'm not dreaming." Out of the two of them, Luke was the clean freak, so whenever he did laundry, her stuff always ended up mysteriously thrown in with his. One time, a whole load of his whites turned pink because she tossed in a red t-shirt without telling him. So to see Gail voluntarily doing her own laundry was nothing short of miraculous.

"My mother just informed me she's coming over later to take me out for brunch." With a basket on her hip, she moves over to the small foldable table set up against the wall and starts folding a load fresh out of the dryer.

"And you're doing laundry because…"

"Because the last time she came over she spent an hour giving me a lecture on good housekeeping, and as much as I like to do things to spite her, and believe me I do, I'd rather stick my hand in a garbage disposal than hear another one of her lectures. I also have no more clean underwear so…"

Watching her fold clothes while wearing his boxer shorts gives him a sort of primal satisfaction, which he knows is slightly sexist and if he valued his life, would never dream of mentioning to Gail. Mostly he just loves seeing her do daily routines, and loves that she's opened up her life to him so he can see them. It makes him feel like they are actually building a life together and not just wishful thinking on his part.

But when Gail bends over to pick up a fallen sock, boxers rising up to tease a peek at the bottom of her what he can see now is her bare ass, Luke feels like he's been watching long enough.

Shoving off the door, Luke walks into the room and stands directly behind her, placing his large hands on either side of her waist. Gail continues her task of matching socks seeming to be unaffected, but when he slides his thumbs beneath the hem of her shirt to touch the small of her back, he can feel the goosebumps erupt on her skin.

"You could always just go commando." He murmurs the words into the back of her neck, wisps of her hair tickling his nose. As much as he loves her hair down, there's just something about being able to see the back of her neck that drives him crazy. His thumbs then slide down beneath the elastic waist of his boxers, which he's seriously thinking of just giving to her, resting right above the curve of her bare ass and he can feel all his blood run south. When he feels her push back into him, he gets even more aroused thinking they are about to partake in some  _X-Rated_  activity, but when she pulls away and leaves a new space between their bodies, he realizes she's rejecting him.

"Nice try, but I have to finish this. Guess you'll just have to give yourself a hand." Since his chin is resting in the crook of her neck, she swiftly pats the side of his cheek without turning around and returns to her clothes. Normally at this point, he might have pulled away and helped her fold, or maybe he might've even gone into the kitchen to make them breakfast, but then he remembers that the last time they had sex was five nights ago. The reason for this unnaturally long dry spell was work-related.

Five days ago Luke had to go to the Port-Cartier Institution in Quebec,  _fifteen hours_  away, to testify against a murderer he helped put away who was filing an appeal for early release. Luke and Gail spent four days and five restless nights sending raunchy texts and having phone sex, but nothing could compare to the real thing. It's the reason why he asked her to take the morning off to spend with him. Not very professional, he knows, but he's been going crazy and couldn't go another day without seeing her. (If Gail hadn't been sleeping when his flight landed late the night before, he would have pounced on her the moment he saw her; but a sleep deprived Gail  _is not_  a happy Gail, so after  _giving himself a hand_  in the shower, he silently crawled into the bed next to her and fell asleep curled around her warm body.)

Closing the gap between them once again, Luke tenderly bites her earlobe and smirks when he hears a sharp intake of breath. She might be acting like these five days apart were easy for her, but her body is saying something else entirely.

"You know, I think these look better on you than they do on me," he says, licking a stripe down the side of her neck, "but I think they'd look even better on the floor." He gently bites and sucks on her neck while simultaneously bringing a hand around her front to softly cup her through her clothes. She has a rule of not letting him mark her anywhere she has to show in public, but since she does nothing to stop him, he knows his morning is not going to start with him masturbating in the shower.

"Someone's cocky." Gail tries to keep the upper hand, but the breathless way she says it tells him the battle is half won.

"You have no idea." With his mouth still occupied with the smooth skin of her neck, he starts to massage her over the boxers. His other hand, the one not causing her to forget all about the laundry before her, slips into the underwear and palms her bare ass, squeezing with promise.

"I'm sure I do." By now she's sure to be feeling the erection pressing into the small of her back, thanks to him being completely naked underneath his sweats, and he moans into her neck when she rolls her hips back against him. His hand moves faster against her and he can hear her breathing become more erratic.

"When's your mom passing by?" He breathes into her jawline, her head coming to rest on his shoulder behind her.

"In five hours." Her breathing is labored.

"So we've got plenty of time." Slowly, almost painfully so, he pulls her boxers down and the fabric pools at their feet. With her bottom half disrobed, the only thing now between them are his sweats.

"Selling yourself short there Homicide?" She teases as she reaches behind her and cups his balls, making his vision blur for a moment.

"I think we both know there's nothing short about me." He replies while gently inserting a finger into her sex, rubbing against her clit teasingly. She gasps at the new sensation, her nails digging into the side of his neck.

"How about we move this to the shower? A two birds with one stone kinda deal?" There's still a slight air of hesitation around her, so he figures shower sex would be a logical way of pushing her in favor of neglecting her laundry. She laughs, her voice taking on a husky quality.

"I knew there was a reason I kept you around. But as much as I love having shower sex, and you know I do," he can feel the disappointment start to well in him, "I don't think I can wait that long."

It takes the words a moment to sink in, but once they do, he's eagerly spinning her around and lifting her up. Legs immediately wrapping around his waist, she makes quick work of removing his shirt, hands distractedly running over his chest and up his neck. She tugs his hair to pull his head back and brings her lips down over his. Luke carries her to the other side of the room, the top of the washer being the perfect height for what he has in mind. Setting her down on the washer, knowing the connecting vibrations of the dryer above will help intensify the experience, he quickly pulls her tank top off and almost comes when he sees how hard her dark red nipples are.

Kneeling before her, his mouth slants over her right breast and he swirls his tongue around the pert nipple. Gail gasps with pleasure, her head rolling back against the dryer with a dull thud. One of her hands grasps the side of his neck while the other rests on the edge of the washer for balance. Both his hands moves from her back to the tops of her thighs, down to hold the backs of her knees and pull them further apart. He releases her nipple and starts kissing a path down her stomach, but Gail's hands on his jaw stops his progress down to her surely throbbing core.

Looking up at her with a confused look, he sees her pupils fully dilated and a faint blush spreading from her cheeks down to her neck.

"As much as I love when you do that, I wasn't kidding when I said I couldn't wait. It's been five days and I want  _you_." She gives a pointed glance to his erection and he kinda falls in love with her all over again.

Dragging hot kisses up her stomach and in the valley between her breasts, they both begin struggling with his sweats, finally releasing his straining erection with identical triumphant sighs. Guiding the head of his penis to her opening, he kisses her roughly, breathing her in like a drowning man breathing in air.

Pulling out of the kiss, he starts pushing into her and it feels like coming home. With her heavy panting in his ear, he slides in completely, almost blacking out with pleasure when she clenches around him twice. That's her signal that she wants him to start moving inside her. He pulls out and thrusts back in, picking up a rhythm that soon makes their bodies slick with sweat and desire.

The faster he starts thrusting, the louder her pants become and when she starts getting vocal, he feels her teeth latch onto the side of his neck to keep herself from screaming. The faster he moves, the tighter she becomes, and by the sharp rocking of her hips against his, he knows she's close. By the tense feeling in his balls, he knows he's close too, but wants her to come first.

Bringing a hand between them, he circles her clit with his index finger while pressing open mouthed kisses to her neck. This is her undoing. A jagged yell erupts from her mouth as she orgasms, muscles squeezing deliciously around him as she pulls him in for a kiss. Now he starts moving even faster, eager to bring about his own completion. Gail seems just as eager when she wraps her arms around him even tighter, pulling him in closer than before.

"Come on Luke. Come for me." She whispers into his ear, her fingers digging into the firm flesh of ass, propelling him faster and deeper into her. His hips start to rock erratically and she pulls his head up from her neck for a kiss, her tongue dipping into his mouth to massage his and that's when he comes, hot fluid pumping into her. They stay like this for a moment, reveling in the feeling of their still joined bodies.

Soon, they both notice that the dryer has since stopped moving and the only sound in the room is the sound of them trying to catch their breaths.

"I missed this," Gail laughs into his neck, her hands lightly running over his shoulders. "Maybe we should be apart more often."

He finally pulls out, a tired smile on his face, and gives her a quick kiss. Picking up his discarded shirt, he uses it to carefully clean her inner thighs and then tosses it in a dirty pile. "If it'll be like this when I get back, I agree with you."

She recaptures his lips and kisses him slowly and sweetly; the ' _welcome home_ ' kiss she wasn't able to give him the night before.

"Now, as mind blowing as that was, I  _really_  need to finish my laundry." She says, actually giggling at the expression on his face before jumping down off the washer and picking up her shirt from the floor. Putting on her shirt, and then doing the same with the boxers, she immediately starts picking up the basket of clothes they had managed to knock over onto the floor.

Mildly exasperated yet still extremely content, which seems to be his default setting around her, Luke pulls up his sweats and starts to help Gail pick up the clothes. He fingers a pair of jeans and realizes that they're his. While he was away, Gail had washed and dried a pair of his jeans.

Holding them up in her direction, he is amused when her ears turn pink.  _Of course._  Having hot, impulsive sex against a washing machine does nothing to embarrass her the way being caught nurturing can.

"They were in my hamper and since I was already doing laundry, I just threw them in with my stuff." Warningly, she points a finger at him when she sees the small smile on his face. " _Don't_."

Biting his tongue to prevent teasing her, he starts folding the jeans when he notices something is in the pocket.

"What's that?" She asks when he pulls out a crinkled piece of paper. The post-coital high he's been enjoying is soured the moment he places the paper.

_The playground with Kathryn._

_His mother._

"Kathryn gave it to me after..." He goes silent, shame written all over his face, and he knows she understands what he's not saying.

_After_  their fight in his office.

_After_  he said all those hurtful things to her.

"What does it say?" She asks, laundry once again forgotten as he opens the folded paper.

"A name and date of birth. Jack Luka Sørenson. March 3, 1955."

Gail frowns and leans over to see the writing herself. "Who the hell is Jack Luka Sørenson?"

"I think…he might be my father." He mutters, the words like a foreign language in his mouth, and he suddenly feels like the walls are closing in around him. Numbly shoving the paper into her hands, he leaves the laundry room. Entering the kitchen, he can hear Gail's bare feet padding across the floor as she follows after him; can feel the heat of her presence when she comes to a stop behind him.

Luke goes to the sink and gets himself a glass of water, his back still turned to her. Once again, Kathryn has managed to place a silent wedge between them, even if Gail doesn't quite notice it yet. Even though they've spoken a little bit about his childhood, there was still an encyclopedia worth of stuff he hasn't mentioned. Like the way one foster mother beat him for spilling a glass of milk. Or the way one foster father smacked a tooth loose while crying about the parents he's never met. When he's with Gail, all those memories disappear and he forgets. He feels happy and safe, comfortable in a way he never felt before. But now his past is coming back to haunt him, bringing back all feelings of insecurity and darkness, and despite how he feels the most himself around her, more than he ever felt with Andy or Jo, he's still worried  _something_  will scare her away. That something so horrifying in his past will be too much for the brave and fearless Gail he's come to know...and love.

"Hey, now I have proof that you're an actual Viking." Her joke falls flat and he can hear her sigh dejectedly.

"So...what are you gonna do?" she asks, because she's Gail and likes to know everything.

When Luke gives no sign of hearing her, she hops onto the counter next to the sink to get a better view of his face. She tries handing the paper back to him, and when he doesn't take it, she drops it on the counter next to her.

"Don't shut me out. You know how I get when I'm being ignored." He feels her dangling legs brushing against his thighs feather light.

"I'm not trying to shut you out. I just, can you give me a minute? I need to think."

"Fine." She slaps her hands down on his shoulders and uses him to get off of the counter. "I've got some laundry to finish anyway." There's a slight pain in her voice, like she's upset he's pushing her away again.

Feeling slightly ashamed, he wants to go after he but can't seem to make his feet move.

Over the years he's wondered about his father, o _f course_  he has, but never in a million years did he think he'd actually find out who he was. After all, Kathyrn, having been too tweaked to realize she had just given birth to him, had left the space labeled  **FATHER'S NAME**  on his birth certificate blank. And since Luke never planned on meeting his mother, he never ever,  _ever_ , imagined meeting his father.

Until now.

He paces the entire kitchen and then the adjacent living room when something catches his eye. For someone who doesn't like showing her emotions, Gail has a surprisingly large amount of family photos scattered throughout her apartment. She claims her mother left them, to remind her of what her family looks like, and just never got around to taking them down. But he knows that she secretly loves them, and he can't blame her. As dysfunctional as the Peck clan may be, you can still feel the huge well of love surrounding them. Gail's mother can be extremely stubborn and pushy, sometimes not even listening to Gail, but it usually all comes from a good place. Her father was silent and strong, wanting his daughter to be happy and safe. As for Steve. Well, at least he could tell a decent joke.

Coming across a picture of Gail and her father at a holiday party, she looks about eight years old in the picture, Luke finally feels the urge to know where he comes from. An urge that disappeared when he realized no perfect family was coming to rescue him. Also, if he really was planning on having a family someday, he probably needs to figure out what that word exactly means to him…especially regarding the amazing woman in the laundry room.

Placing the frame back down on her coffee table, Luke makes his way back to Gail so he can apologize… _again_.

Gail looks exactly like she did when he found her earlier that morning, except this time she isn't singing and looks agitated. He sighs, and watches her slowly put down a shirt and look at him, face completely unreadable.

"No matter how much I try to stop it, my past still keeps coming between us." Last thing he expects is for her to suddenly be standing before him, reaching out to place a hand on each of his shoulders, but that's what she does.

"Luke, I'm gonna say this once and only once so listen good. You don't scare me. And it's gonna take a lot more than your obvious lack of emotional development to get rid of me." A rogue chuckle escapes his mouth.

"Well you know what they say; takes one to know one."

"Watch it, Callaghan." She warns, but he can hear the laughter in her voice. He runs a hand through his hair, feeling it stick straight up like it always does when he's flustered. When Gail bites her lip, he can tell she's trying to keep a witty remark from escaping, somehow sensing that he's about to say something important. He places one hand at the small of her back and the other at the base of her neck, bringing her in for a hug. She squirms halfheartedly, acting as if she doesn't like it, but then she stands on her tiptoes and wrap her arms around his neck.

"I just feel like when it comes to my past, my family, all I do is hurt you." He says into the hair behind her ear.

"Homicide, I'm not some fragile little princess. I can handle you even at your worst. Pecks are made from pretty tough stuff."

Affection swells in his heart. "I love you." He murmurs into her hair and she sighs against him.

"You better." Their bodies both rumble with laughter, and he tightens his hold on her briefly before letting go.

"I think...I want to find him. I've spent so much time believing I'd never know my father. Without a name or Kathryn," his voice momentarily falters and he's glad she doesn't mention it, "I never thought it was possible. But now it is and I kind of think I shouldn't waste this opportunity."

"You know I've got your back right?"

Pulling back so he can have a clear shot of her expression, he sees the sincerity on her face. The rare gentleness he couldn't reconcile with the rookie she was when they first met. It wasn't until they worked together on finding her missing uniform that he finally saw a different side to her, a vulnerable side she tried hard to hide, and it was the reason why he decided to take her up on drinks at the bar a couple nights later.

He sends her a warm smile. "Yeah, I know."

She pats the side of his face and walks back to her laundry.

"No. But really," she starts, a pair of bright orange socks in her hand, "you're a Viking. As usual, I'm right about everything." She sighs like it's a burden.

Luke rolls his eyes but inside he's glad. He's grateful to know she isn't going to be handling him with kid gloves. He needs Gail to be Gail if he is going to go through with this.

"When, if, I find him," his words cause Gail to face him, head tilted to the side in silent contemplation, "I want you to come with me."

Suddenly all Luke sees are legs and arms as she launches herself at him. Instinctually he pulls her close, loving the feeling of her against him. Gail peppers kisses onto his face, laughing at his obvious confusion. She was rarely this sugary sweet.

"You didn't even have to ask." She explains, pressing a lasting kiss to his lips.

* * *

Around noon, Luke finds himself alone, Gail already having come and gone with her mother. He opens up his laptop and logs into the station's criminal database. It's a long shot, but he assumes that if his mother had been a junkie with priors, his father might have been one too. He figures it wouldn't hurt to check.

Leaving the search to it, he walks into Gail's kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee. Gail is the biggest caffeine addict he's ever met so there is always guaranteed to be a pot of coffee ready. Opening her fridge, he's not surprised to find it practically bare. They tend to stay at his place more often since it's closer to the station and easier to crash at. The idea of asking her to move in with him reappears, but the last thing he wants is to overwhelm her. It's a hard habit of his to break since he's always been quick to cohabitate with his significant others, but he's determined to let her set the pace. He's in this for the long haul.

Managing to scrounge up some poptarts, another Gail addiction, he goes through his voice mail and adds a reminder to his calendar that he has a court appearance in two weeks time to give a testimony. Finishing his insufficient meal, he turns on the tv to check the stats of last night's hockey game, his foot tapping impatiently against the coffee table.

No matter how he tries to stall for time, his attention keeps going back to the computer screen, mind racing with thoughts about his father. While he's always had some dim recollection of his mother _,_ he's at a complete blank when it comes to his father…but that doesn't mean he's never thought about him.

As a kid, whenever the shiny new foster family of the month lost its luster, Luke would daydream about the kind of man his father was. Was he a big man? Was he kind? Was he allergic to dogs?

In the end Luke decided that his father was tall and blond; just like him. That his father loved the outdoors and it's where he gets it despite never having met the man. Fishing, hiking, camping. You name it, he loved it.

Of course, this was before he hit his teenage years and decided those daydreams were just the silly fantasies of a sad and lonely child.

The computer beeps with the results, much faster than Luke anticipated, and he rushes over. All kinds of questions began to swirl in his head, like would his father even want to see him? Did his father even know he existed? Did he have another family?

Reading, and then rereading the results, it's on his  _sixth_  reread when the words finally sink in.

* * *

**JACK LUKAS SØRENSON. BORN MARCH 6 1955.**

**[JUVENILE RECORD SEALED.]**

**ARRESTED JUNE 6 1977 FOR SOLICITATION. SENTENCED TO FOUR MONTHS AT A MINIMUM SECURITY PRISON. RELEASED EARLY FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR.** **ARRESTED AUGUST 12 1977 FOR DRUNKEN AND DISORDERLY CONDUCT. RELEASED ON BAIL TO KATHRYN CALLAGHAN. SENTENCED TO TWO MONTHS COMMUNITY SERVICE.** **ARRESTED APRIL 16 1978** _(five months before Luke is born)_ **FOR POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA AND VANDALISM OF PUBLIC PROPERTY. SENTENCED TO TEN MONTHS IN A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON. RELEASED DECEMBER 1978.**

**MAY 5 2009. AMBULANCE CALLED TO THE SØRENSON RESIDENCE. DOA. CAUSE OF DEATH: HEART ATTACK.**

* * *

Out of all the things he daydreamed as a child, this is one base he didn't cover.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I had to chop this chapter into two because it was getting HUGE, and since the second part isn't completely finished, I wanted to at least post this for the people who've been waiting for a reaaaaaally long time. (Sorry, I love you!)
> 
> Song/title: Little Boy Blue (Your Daddy's Gone) by Yoko Ono

**Author's Note:**

> _This idea came to me while I was in the middle of a five hour nap. Yeah. I clearly have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I just know that I'm fascinated with Luke's background. This is kind of a testing the waters thingie. I've got a rough outline and 3-4 SUPER ROUGH chapters already written. Not sure how often I'm gonna update or how many chapters are gonna be in this but if this is something you want to read more of, just drop a line and let me know =)_


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